She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
