I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
