no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
