I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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