Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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