Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
