I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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