Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
