Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
