smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
