Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
