girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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