dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
