i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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