haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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