College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
