the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
