I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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