DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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