Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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