I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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