forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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