i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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