pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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