Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
