no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are two peas in an std pod
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
