If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
