your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
