just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
