playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
