sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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