I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
