God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
