What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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