meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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