got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i black out too much to be "responsible"
is it fun? or sober?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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