i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
