Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
