then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
