I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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