In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
