people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
