The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
