had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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