I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
