He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
