We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
