Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
