I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
