It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
