i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
