just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
