What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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