i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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