so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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