I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
