and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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