I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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